Back in the Midwest

Yeah, I started writing this three days ago, and I just finished. What of it? (Sorry!)

Anyway, I flew from Philadelphia back to Ohio on Sunday, and started interviewing students again on Monday. Surprisingly, the long break did not disrupt the flow of interviewing, and I have interviewed eleven girls so far. I may actually finish all my interviews tomorrow! Which makes this a good time to reflect.

It feels like everything and nothing has happened in the past two months. Qualitative research is isolating in most scenarios. It's ironic, really, given that quantitative research involves computers, and qualitative research involves contact with people. But as a qualitative researcher, that contact is narrowly defined by the scope of your research. It is not that I did not build relationships with some of my participants. It is more that they were unnaturally intimate and brutally short. I interviewed students about the particulars of their lives, in which many students talked about deeply personal experiences. Many students appeared quite comfortable with me at the end of the hour and a half, and expressed a desire to talk again. And since this project is designed to be longitudinal (at the end of the interview, I ask them for permission to re-contact them in a year), this is likely. But once the student leaves, the bond is broken. Often, I see the girls I know in the hallway as I walk around the school, and I see them avoid eye contact and shift away. I know this is not because the interview was unpleasant--these are the same students who told me the interview was "fun". I think they realize only later that I know a great deal about their lives, while they really do not know me at all.

Overall, I do not think I would call this research "fun" myself (sometimes when a student tells me they had fun I think, "Really? I didn't.") It is tiring and stressful. The exhaustion comes from the work of interviewing, whereas the stress is a product of my personality. As an introvert (when I am with strangers), I find being in a new environment and meeting new people to be difficult. I was always meeting new teachers and students, and occasionally talking to classrooms as a group, and I found this difficult to do on a daily basis.

Despite this, I am incredibly satisfied with my choice to do this research, and I would do it again. It is worth the 5am mornings, the lack of sleep, the hours of transcribing, the grumpy teachers, the fear I feel when confronted with a classroom full of teenagers, and the stress side effects. The participants themselves make it all worth it. What fascinates me--although it should not be so surprising--are the many vibrant personalities and interesting stories. I have met 57 diverse, enthusiastic, optimistic, beautiful young women who shared their lives with me. While I am sure there were at least a few who would be difficult to know on a day-to-day basis, I was able to get to know their better selves. There are several girls who stand out in my mind, and will continue to do so for a long time. I cannot wait to find out what they do next.